Dean first encountered Nicole on Bumble eight years ago, and their shared upbringing in Chicago forged an instant connection. Nicole had children, and they often discussed their desire for something more fulfilling than what they had experienced during their formative years. Dean, a 37-year-old freelancer, described them as being spiritually aligned rather than religious, with compatibility that extended across mental, emotional, and physical dimensions. “We rarely argued,” he recalls, “and could converse about anything.”
As time passed, they moved in together and even broached the subject of marriage, although Dean admits that the desire for marriage was mostly Nicole’s. “She wanted it. I was secretly against it.” However, the dynamics shifted after four years together. In 2022, Dean felt that Nicole allowed her mind to be tainted by the prevailing discourse on gender conflict. In his view, she became someone who clung to a more extreme interpretation of feminism and engaged in constant grievances against men. Although Dean identifies as progressive, he found her negativity overwhelming.
It was at this juncture that Dean began to experience feelings of aversion. Instead of addressing his frustrations directly with Nicole, he took a drastic step one afternoon while she was at work: he blocked her phone number and social media accounts and did not return home. In the ensuing months, as Nicole sought to reconnect through family members, Dean felt no remorse, only a sense of relief. “It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had to endure her energy.” He stands by his choice, asserting it was undoubtedly the right decision.
The Rise of Ghosting as a Common Practice
As dating apps and social media increasingly shape interpersonal relationships, ghosting—the act of ending a relationship by ignoring or blocking all communication—has become the predominant method of breakup. A survey from the Thriving Center of Psychology revealed that 84% of millennials and Generation Z report having experienced ghosting at the conclusion of a relationship. While it is widely accepted among singles during the initial stages of dating, or as an uncommitted way to terminate a relationship, it is less common in long-term partnerships.
In late June, Vogue UK highlighted the phenomenon of the “disappearing boyfriend,” shedding light on the painful aftermath endured by women facing the sudden and shocking absence of their partners. The article noted that many instances of ghosting occur after relationships seem to be progressing well. In response to this emerging norm, Dating.com recently announced plans to hire a “breakup director,” who for a monthly fee of $3,000, would terminate relationships on behalf of others.
Ghosting tends to be far simpler when engaging with strangers or individuals with whom one does not expect to cross paths again. Conversely, when one has established a relationship in real life, a greater sense of accountability typically exists. Yet, even this sense of responsibility appears to be diminishing, as communication expectations continue to lower.
The subreddit r/ghosting has become a platform for users sharing alarming stories of long-term relationships ending as one party chooses to vanish without explanation. One Redditor recounted, “I dated a girl for a year and a half. Suddenly, after a normal conversation, I ignored her completely, withdrew, refused to speak when she reached out, and blocked her until she found out through someone else that we had broken up.” Sumi, a 36-year-old man from San Francisco, admitted to ghosting his girlfriend after 18 months, stating, “I’ve been out of contact for about four weeks now.”
Generational Shifts in Communication Norms
Among Generation Z, the trend of cutting off communication—be it romantic or otherwise—without offering any explanation has become increasingly prevalent. A recent survey by Talker Research indicated that 60% of Generation Z individuals are more likely to sever ties with a family member or loved one than older generations. This demographic often romanticises the act of distancing, transforming heartbreak into content for social media, as exemplified by the viral trend “I ghosted the LOML, trust me IDGAF.” In this trend, young people feign complete indifference to former partners, displaying extreme detachment. Some TikTok users have even extended this concept to include ignoring friends, parents, or even entire families as a means of establishing healthier boundaries.
“It’s crucial to acknowledge that Generation Z has grown up with dating apps and social media, making ghosting appear as a normal aspect of the dating experience, despite its painful implications,” explains Liesel Sharabi, an associate professor of Communication at Arizona State University. Specialising in the impact of technology on interpersonal relationships, Sharabi adds that digital communication has rendered ghosting “easier and potentially more socially acceptable,” despite its adverse effects. “We risk losing the humanity and decency that we would like to be shown when ending a relationship.”
Understanding the Motivations Behind Ghosting
Those who engage in ghosting may exhibit emotional immaturity, lack seriousness regarding relationships, or simply disregard the consequences of their actions on others. “However, from an attachment perspective, I also view ghosting as a strategy employed by the nervous system,” suggests Becca Hansel, a therapist based in Los Angeles. Individuals who ghost often possess avoidant or disorganised attachment styles, where “emotional closeness or conflict may begin to feel threatening or overwhelming.”
For such individuals, ending a relationship necessitates confronting the discomfort associated with another person’s sadness or anger. Hansel notes that some who ghost do not do so out of malice but rather as a misguided coping strategy. In certain circumstances, ghosting becomes a means of escaping an abusive situation. “If someone doesn’t feel emotionally or physically safe, I don’t believe they owe the other person an explanation,” Hansel adds.
This was the case for Ashley, a 25-year-old educational sales representative from Seattle. After nearly four years together, she convinced herself that she could no longer bear the burden of breaking up with a boyfriend who had begun to drink excessively and had become emotionally abusive. Rather than discuss the myriad issues at hand, she opted to ghost him. “I thought it would be easier for me to just disappear and for him to forget about it,” she explains. “He continued to call and message me for quite some time—weeks, months, even years. I never replied or responded. I even deleted all my social media accounts because I simply didn’t want to see any of that.”
The Lingering Emotional Consequences of Ghosting
Nevertheless, difficult emotions often linger, even when ghosting may seem justified. A 2025 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that ghosting has significant cognitive repercussions for both parties involved, not just the one being ghosted. In comparison to a direct rejection, “the uncertainty and ambiguity inherent in ghosting” can lead to “more persistent adverse psychological effects” and prolong discomfort.
Ashley, who acknowledges her tendency to avoid difficult conversations, admits that the decision still weighs heavily on her. “I had never broken up with someone in a serious relationship before; I had only ever been the one left behind. Ghosting felt like the right choice at the time because I was afraid of the outcome. It certainly didn’t yield anything positive for either of us, and the memory still haunts me.” While she now believes that those who are ghosted deserve an explanation “even if it hurts,” she never provided that to her ex and doubts she ever will.
Two years after their breakup, he slept with her then-best friend, who later confessed the encounter to Ashley. “He did that out of spite. So, I won’t speak to either of them again,” she asserts.