The Rise of “Incompetence as a Weapon” in Modern Relationships
In recent years, the term “incompetence as a weapon,” also referred to as “strategic incompetence,” has gained traction in discussions surrounding online dating. This concept typically describes a person—often the man in heterosexual relationships—who deliberately acts inept in areas such as cooking, cleaning, or organising schedules. The intention behind this behaviour is for their partner to assume responsibility for these tasks.
This week, the launch of a new AI assistant named Orchid has sparked interest as a potential solution for relationship issues by taking over these domestic responsibilities. In the promotional video, Sam, a boyfriend engrossed in video games and rummaging through expired food, forgets their anniversary. When Orchid reminds him of the significance of the day, he responds, “Alright, I can do it.” Orchid retorts, “You can’t. That’s what I’m here for,” as it proceeds to book a reservation and purchase his girlfriend’s favourite flowers—details he had overlooked. Throughout the day, the girlfriend also consults Orchid, fully aware of the assistant’s contributions, yet she allows Sam to bask in the glory of planning.
Criticism from Users and Relationship Experts
The launch has faced significant backlash on social media platforms, with critics labelling it as appealing to “immature adults uninterested in the world around them” and accused of perpetuating relationships that both parties secretly despise. It is evident that Orchid will not address the underlying resentments that may have been brewing for some time.
Lauren Maher, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, argues that outsourcing difficult yet necessary communication will hinder couples from confronting complex but crucial aspects of their relationship growth. “An AI application can never compensate for a lack of genuine affection or attention, and no amount of feigned care will convince one’s nervous system that someone is truly there for them when they are not,” she explains.
Maher further notes that “triangulation,” a term describing the indirect communication between individuals through a third party, is generally discouraged in couple’s therapy. She highlights the unsettling notion of introducing a non-human entity like AI into romantic relationships. The approach suggested by Orchid merely serves as a temporary facade, masking issues that are likely to resurface later. “Although marketed as a solution, indirect communication is known to test relationships,” she adds. Orchid did not respond immediately to requests for comments.
The Ambiguity of AI Assistants in Matters of the Heart
The practicality of AI assistants remains questionable in the realm of romantic relationships. A recent survey conducted by the astrology app Hint, which included over 13,000 adults from the United States, Latin America, and Europe, revealed that AI advice often complicates dating decisions. In the survey, 59% of participants reported feeling more confused after receiving guidance. Overwhelmed by excessive machine-generated advice, 47% admitted that AI suggestions had led them to postpone decisions regarding their romantic lives.
The viral advertisement for Orchid appears to be somewhat misleading, as the company’s true ambitions seem to focus on workflow optimisation. Marketed as the ideal tool for “automating your life,” it promises seamless integration across all connected applications without the need to switch between them. However, beyond its messaging capabilities, it remains unclear what sets it apart from other AI agents.
Conversations Surrounding Relationship Dynamics
Whether or not it was intended to stir controversy, the advertisement featuring the couple has ignited a considerable dialogue about the company, which, according to a blog post from June, aims to promote a new vision of how people manage, well, practically everything. However, repairing a toxic relationship is unlikely to be one of those areas.