Confessions of Frustrated Dog Owners
Shortly after six o’clock one recent Wednesday evening, a small group of pet owners gathered online via Zoom to voice a sentiment often shrouded in shame: they are exhausted by their dogs. Louise Crane, president and co-founder of Dogs Anonymous, the organisation facilitating the meeting, began by reciting seven principles that participants were required to accept. The first was strikingly honest: “I admit that life with my dog is not what I imagined.” Dressed in a black T-shirt emblazoned with “Abolish ICE” in bold white letters, Crane set the tone for an evening of candid discussion.
As the conversation began, one participant expressed her desperation, saying, “You might have to convince me not to jump off a cliff.” She detailed her struggle to manage her dog’s mood swings, exacerbated by a recent series of family changes, including the death of another dog and the introduction of a new one. Now, her boxer was “restless” and “grumpy,” barking more frequently to demand attention, a behaviour she had never seen in him before.
Others shared their own burdens. One woman recounted how her German shepherd mix had developed a heightened sense of resource guarding, a term used to describe dogs that aggressively protect something they value. “The other day, he fought my sister’s dachshund because they were both begging for food.” Another participant, living in a bustling apartment complex, sought advice on managing her dachshund’s incessant barking at strangers. For the sake of anonymity, Dogs Anonymous requested that all identifying details be omitted from this account.
The Weight of Shame
Shame emerged as the predominant emotion among attendees at these meetings. “The shame of having a dog that goes wild, especially as a woman, can be particularly challenging,” Crane remarked during a conversation a few days prior. Founded in 2025, Dogs Anonymous is a non-profit organisation dedicated to training and emotional support from animal behaviour experts, aiming to create a safe space for individuals to express their feelings of embarrassment.
“We wanted to provide a place where people could not only seek advice on behaviour issues or navigate crises with their dogs but also feel free to ask questions without fear of judgement,” recalled Daphne Mendoza-Tervanis, another co-founder. The weekly sessions cater to both novice and seasoned dog owners, adopters, and caregivers, as well as trainers seeking guidance on addressing aggression issues. While primarily attended by residents from the United States, dog owners from Singapore, Costa Rica, and beyond have also participated.
Jerri Scherff, a co-founder with thirteen years of sobriety, drew from her experience with recovery programmes to incorporate similar traditions from Alcoholics Anonymous into Dogs Anonymous. “We wanted to create something that was repeatable, sustainable, and eventually autonomous, much like recovery groups,” she explained. The emphasis on anonymity ensures that what is shared in the group remains confidential.
The Power of Shared Experience
The founders assert that the strength of the group lies not solely in the advice dispensed during meetings but in the connections forged among members through shared struggles. “The magic of the AA community is that you are going through something another person has already experienced or is currently facing,” Crane added. This approach, known as “sharing your experience, strength, and hope,” is a cornerstone of the twelve-step recovery programme, encouraging members to reflect on their experiences in ways that alleviate feelings of isolation.
A survey published in June in the journal Pets, examining guilt, burden, and wellbeing among dog owners with behavioural issues, revealed that 53% of respondents felt lonely, while 78% reported a “high caregiver burden,” a term denoting the emotional and financial pressures of caregiving.
During an August meeting, the group took time to explore why shame was often the first emotion owners experienced when their dogs acted aggressively. One participant shared how this feeling jeopardised their sense of belonging in a neighbourhood where they already felt out of place. Another mentioned how it made them feel judged, worrying that others would perceive them as incapable owners. “There’s so much shame when you can’t understand Lassie,” Crane remarked, referencing the fictional dog who epitomised the ideal companion for many from Generation X and millennials.
Confronting Expectations vs. Reality
A New Orleans dog owner recently posted on Threads about her experience attending reactivity training for her dog, sharing, “I cried on the way home after class.” She had enrolled following an incident in which a woman threw coffee at her anxious pitbull for reacting poorly. Reactivity in dogs is the primary concern for most owners, with a 2026 study from the University of Lincoln identifying three main categories of behaviour: oral attacks, frustration, and threatening postures. Lunges and barking are the most common symptoms.
“After three sessions, it seems the main lessons revolve around avoiding triggers and anticipating my dog’s reactions,” the New Orleans owner continued. “As someone who has spent a lifetime anticipating human volatility, I’m exhausted. Isn’t there another way?”
Another Threads user suggested she attend Dogs Anonymous, responding, “Part of what you’ll do here is grieve the dog you thought you’d have, as you come to terms with the one you actually have.”
Finding Community in Shared Struggles
No two meetings at Dogs Anonymous are alike. Some weeks, attendees might discuss how to cope with their dog’s anxiety or seek advice on navigating the process of euthanasia. Other weeks, they may simply vent about life. “The other day, we were talking about the random things our dogs had defecated,” Mendoza-Tervanis recounted with a chuckle. “There was a lot of money and tampons in that conversation.”
Unlike other support groups for dog owners facing behavioural challenges, Dogs Anonymous prioritises the owner’s experience. “The reason we find ourselves in this situation is that we have been placing dogs before people,” Mendoza-Tervanis explained, drawing from her fifteen years in pet care. In 2025, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals reported that two million dogs were adopted from shelters, yet Mendoza-Tervanis believes the real issue is that most owners lack the genuine support they need, especially when their pet does not meet their expectations. “Many services are becoming financially inaccessible—private dog trainers in Los Angeles can charge up to $300 an hour—so when someone approaches us, the question is not ‘how much can you pay?’ but rather ‘how do you feel about what has happened?’”
A Safe Haven from Social Media Pressure
Social media has distorted many people’s expectations of dog ownership, with carefully curated pages of pet influencers like @_violasnow, the husky with 5.8 million Instagram followers, and @tikatheiggy, the Italian greyhound dubbed by Vogue as “the new fashion it girl,” often making owners feel inadequate. This is where organisations like Dogs Anonymous have become a refuge.
In March, following the death of Scherff’s American bulldog, the weekly meetings transformed into her safe space to process her grief, away from the judgement of social media. Despite having 283,000 followers on Instagram, Scherff appreciated the confidentiality of the group, knowing that whatever she shared would remain within the confines of the meeting without any negative assumptions.
As the Wednesday session drew to a close, a participant from Puerto Rico expressed her gratitude for the gathering. “I’m so glad we all ended up here thanks to the magic of the internet. Sometimes it can be such a dark place. It’s really nice to hear these conversations.”
Above all, the founders hope that the weekly Zoom meetings will serve as a forum to shield members from “the toxic noise of the outside world,” Crane emphasised. “This is a place where you can come and say, ‘Today I hate my dog.’ And there will be people who say, ‘Yes, that happened to me last Tuesday.’ Sometimes they drive us crazy, and that’s perfectly alright.”